Mehedi Hasan
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Is a love marriage better than an arranged marriage?
A recent study examining Indian couples in arranged marriages, and U.S. couples in marriages of choice (love marriages), revealed that in terms of marital satisfaction, the two groups are very similar.
However, their views on "love wellness" were different. The U.S. couples said that being in love was a strong indication of whether their marriage was good- or going to be good. The Indian couples expected love to grow as they got to know each other. Being in love was not how they measured marital satisfaction- or future marital satisfaction.
According to Dr. William Cornell, a Marriage and Counselor professor at the University of Florida, culture plays a large role in deciding whether a love marriage is better than an arranged marriage- it is all a matter of perspective.
U.S. culture tells us that "love will conquer all." But if that isn't your expectation, then the lack of love is not going to be a reason for the marriage not to work, said Cornell.
In an arranged marriage, says Cornell, "you love the person who is in that position." So, you love your wife because she is your wife, and because she is the mother of your children.
Low divorce rates in countries with arranged marriages points to the success of the arranged marriage. High divorce rates in countries with love marriages indicate that perhaps this form of marriage does not work.
Yet, they persist. And in India, where arranged marriages are the "norm," love marriages are becoming increasingly popular.
Because of cultural differences, it is difficult to say which form of marriage is the best, but here is an attempt to compare the benefits of an arranged marriage versus the benefits of a love marriage.
Marriages fulfil the primal human need for intimacy and emotional nourishment. The partners help each other emotionally and financially, and accept a functional division of responsibilities in the house to make the relationship successful. This is the reason why there is hardly any other human relationship that can match marriage in its scope and depth. Marriages are basically of two types – arranged and those based on mutual attraction between the partners.
Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages were once common throughout the world, but today this institution mostly survives in the eastern countries such as India and China. These are formal affairs with the involvement of many other people apart from bride and groom. In this, the latter two are usually total strangers and have not even seen each other before the marriage is arranged.
The decision about the suitability of the partners for each other is a collective decision taken by their relatives such as parents, uncles, aunts and so on. The families hunt for a good match by asking other people, going through matrimonial websites and even giving advertisements in newspapers. Arranged marriages have their own advantages and disadvantages.
Pros: In arranged marriages, the decision whether to tie the knot with a particular individual is taken with the involvement of many people. The biggest benefit is that there is a conscious attempt to match the two families as well as the bride and groom on the parameters of social status, financial strength, background, educational opportunities and similar lifestyle. This is a cool-headed decision that is thought to tremendously increase the likelihood of the marriage succeeding.
Cons: In an ideal scenario, the partners have a major say in arranged marriage. They give the final nod as to the choice of their spouse. However, things do not always go like this. In many arranged marriages, the parents and relatives are often overbearing and try to force their child into a relationship he or she doesn’t agree with. This can be a very difficult situation that may condemn the partners to living lifelong in a marriage that they are not happy with.
Which marriage is benefit love or arrenged???
I would say both are good, but it depends on the individual finally. I am in an arranged marriage. This means, my parents shortlisted some boys and did background check and found out about the families. Then, I got to meet the boys and decide whom I liked and wanted to marry.
I am very happy in my marriage and have a great relationship with my in-laws. they love me a lot because my husband married me keeping their choice in mind too.
My parents love my hubby and think he is the best son-in-law they could have asked for.
More than anything, my hubby and I love each other crazily. We have been married for more than 3 years and we know we have been married for eternity.
1 tip: In an arranged marriage, you marry on faith and fall in love later. In a love marriage, love happens first and then marriage and I have heard more often than not, it evaporates after marriage. Also, the families are not happy as the kids married against parents wishes.
I am very happy in my marriage and have a great relationship with my in-laws. they love me a lot because my husband married me keeping their choice in mind too.
My parents love my hubby and think he is the best son-in-law they could have asked for.
More than anything, my hubby and I love each other crazily. We have been married for more than 3 years and we know we have been married for eternity.
1 tip: In an arranged marriage, you marry on faith and fall in love later. In a love marriage, love happens first and then marriage and I have heard more often than not, it evaporates after marriage. Also, the families are not happy as the kids married against parents wishes.
To Love or to Arrange?
If you're from a Western society, and a family with Western values, chances are you think love is the most important factor to consider when choosing a prospective spouse. But, if you're from a culture that typically arranges marriages, you probably have a different perspective.Is a love marriage better than an arranged marriage?
A recent study examining Indian couples in arranged marriages, and U.S. couples in marriages of choice (love marriages), revealed that in terms of marital satisfaction, the two groups are very similar.
However, their views on "love wellness" were different. The U.S. couples said that being in love was a strong indication of whether their marriage was good- or going to be good. The Indian couples expected love to grow as they got to know each other. Being in love was not how they measured marital satisfaction- or future marital satisfaction.
According to Dr. William Cornell, a Marriage and Counselor professor at the University of Florida, culture plays a large role in deciding whether a love marriage is better than an arranged marriage- it is all a matter of perspective.
U.S. culture tells us that "love will conquer all." But if that isn't your expectation, then the lack of love is not going to be a reason for the marriage not to work, said Cornell.
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In fact, he says, "Being in love is not a good reason to get married. It's about the long haul." Arranged marriage is based on the concept that love is a fleeting emotional response, so it deliberately brings a whole range of factors into the equation.
In an arranged marriage, says Cornell, "you love the person who is in that position." So, you love your wife because she is your wife, and because she is the mother of your children.
Low divorce rates in countries with arranged marriages points to the success of the arranged marriage. High divorce rates in countries with love marriages indicate that perhaps this form of marriage does not work.
Yet, they persist. And in India, where arranged marriages are the "norm," love marriages are becoming increasingly popular.Because of cultural differences, it is difficult to say which form of marriage is the best, but here is an attempt to compare the benefits of an arranged marriage versus the benefits of a love marriage.
Benefits of an Arranged Marriage
- Reduction of incompatibilities- same religion, caste, dietary preference, linguistic group, socioeconomic background, etc.
- Following one's heart is often wiser than following one's head- love can just be an infatuation.
- Lower divorce rates.
- Low expectations- neither spouse knows exactly what to expect, so they are often pleasantly surprised by how good their marriage is.
Benefits of a Love Marriage
- Individual autonomy- it's your life, so you should choose who you want to spend it with.
- Informed decision- you know your partner well on a personal level, so you know what to expect.
- Love- "love will conquer all."
- Individual interest- Your family might choose you a partner based on what is best for the family, but you can choose a partner who is best for you.
Arranged Marriages versus Love Marriages
It binds two individuals into a strong relationship with well-defined rights and obligations. Marriage gives rise to families comprising man, woman and children, and thus helps create the basic building block of human society.
Marriages fulfil the primal human need for intimacy and emotional nourishment. The partners help each other emotionally and financially, and accept a functional division of responsibilities in the house to make the relationship successful. This is the reason why there is hardly any other human relationship that can match marriage in its scope and depth. Marriages are basically of two types – arranged and those based on mutual attraction between the partners.
Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages were once common throughout the world, but today this institution mostly survives in the eastern countries such as India and China. These are formal affairs with the involvement of many other people apart from bride and groom. In this, the latter two are usually total strangers and have not even seen each other before the marriage is arranged.
The decision about the suitability of the partners for each other is a collective decision taken by their relatives such as parents, uncles, aunts and so on. The families hunt for a good match by asking other people, going through matrimonial websites and even giving advertisements in newspapers. Arranged marriages have their own advantages and disadvantages.
Pros: In arranged marriages, the decision whether to tie the knot with a particular individual is taken with the involvement of many people. The biggest benefit is that there is a conscious attempt to match the two families as well as the bride and groom on the parameters of social status, financial strength, background, educational opportunities and similar lifestyle. This is a cool-headed decision that is thought to tremendously increase the likelihood of the marriage succeeding.
Cons: In an ideal scenario, the partners have a major say in arranged marriage. They give the final nod as to the choice of their spouse. However, things do not always go like this. In many arranged marriages, the parents and relatives are often overbearing and try to force their child into a relationship he or she doesn’t agree with. This can be a very difficult situation that may condemn the partners to living lifelong in a marriage that they are not happy with.
hat would you like to do – a Love Marriage or an Arrange Marriage? This is one of the question upon which there are many controversies going on. Infact truly it’s very difficult to say which type of marriagewould be the right choice for anyone. As the well said saying goes “Every coin has two lines”, so are the benefits and drawbacks of Love and Arrange Marriages.No need to say that there are always the drawbacks of “Marriage”, but how could one restrain himself of it as the well said saying goes in Hindi language as “Shaadi ka laddoo – jo khaye pachtaye, jo na khaye pachtaye”. It means marriage is such a sweet that the one who eats suffers and the one who doesn’t also suffers. Anyways, when everyone has to suffer, why not decide yourself upon what way to suffer.Considering Love Marriage, the positive sides here are that both the partners (Oops, May be partners) can understand each other well, what each of them likes, dislikes, their hobbies, crafts, possessions, rights, timings, families, background, desire, motivations, nature, history, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. This would consider them to help them lead a peaceful life. But to get to final destination of getting married after Love, is not so easy. The boy and the girl must have met hundreds of times before they could finally get to the decision of getting one. They must have exchanges lots of goodies & gifts (Do I need to mention Kisses? ;-). And when they feel they know each other very well, they decide to get married. And starts arising the problem: the biggest villains – their parents and their different castes. These are the two most common problems lovers face to get married. Somehow once these problems are resolved, starts a very romantic life full of enjoyment. Time passes by and gradually starts the complaining and the fights with silly topics (of Love Marriage): (1) You don’t give me time as you would before marriage. (2) You don’t take me to parks. (3) You don’t take me to restaurants. (4) You don’t take me for a movie. (5) Husband who liked the shade of her hair before marriage now - Keep your hair tied up; there’s a hair in my food. (6) Why don’t you leave me alone for a while. (7)… (8)…. (9)…. (10)…. and the list continues. Oh….And now Arrange Marriage, where you see the girl, the girl see you (Both no more than 2 minutes), as each other 3 life-line questions, the parents meet (decide bribery) and decide the marriage. Wow, how ____________! (Don’t find a word. Experienced persons please fill in here.) You got to know nothing about each other, just see each other dumb faces and decide whether to marry or not. But that’s good as there are no commitments between each other that would give no rise to questions as in a Love Marriage like you don’t give me time now, you don’t love me as you would before, etc. But what about your likes, dislikes, expectations from each other, your hobbies and interests? If they (fortunately) match, then it heaven and well if it does not, then God forbids, but starts a life full of sacrifice and settlements. You have to leave things, food, hobbies that the other partner do not and accept his/her likes, hobbies and other habits. No, I can’t manage with this.So you see these are the pros and cons of a Love Marriage and Arrange Marriage. So better all you Bachelors, kindly understand them properly and decide how you would like your life to be ruined.
| Benefits of the Marriage Ministry |
 The Covenant of Love Marriage Ministry offers many benefits for the entire faith community. The Church In providing a Covenant of Love ministry, each local church can demonstrate their awareness of the importance of the Sacrament of Marriage. The Church also shows that it advocates Christ’s teachings and accepts God’s plan for marriage. Since Christ teaches in Matthew 19:6 that a married couple is “no longer two, but one flesh” and “what God has joined together, no human being must separate,” the Church will be a helper in defending marriage by reducing divorces. By having a Covenant of Love Marriage Ministry, the Church also becomes a “God-centered” resource for marriage enrichment and education, providing assistance to any couple, whether they simply wish to strengthen their relationship, or are seeking help to fix their marriage. ince the Covenant of Love is a volunteer program, there will be no need to hire outside assistance. The Laity In any parish where there is a Covenant of Love Marriage Ministry, the laity will have a place to go for marriage education and enrichment opportunities, provided by and located at their local parish. A couple is taught to encourage each other and to foster a spirit of service and selflessness. Lay people are also given a good opportunity to fulfill their role as set forth in Vatican II. Covenant of Love will also encourage couples to work with others in order to help build strong marriages within their community. Covenant of Love encourages couples to be a living witness to their children and teach them about the sanctity, dignity and permanence of marriage. Proven to Work In the piloting phase, the Covenant of Love has already proven to be a gateway to explore the riches and beauty of marriage. Fr. Danny Garcia of St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church in Austin, TX says, “It has allowed couples to reflect on the dignity and value of the Sacrament of Marriage.” The Covenant of Love Marriage Group calls couples to step back and reevaluate the commitment made when they first came together as husband and wife. The group format allows couples to see how their marriage has been influenced by their daily living, the gospel, and society. The Covenant of Love invites couples to view their marriage based on what the Church teaches, and allows couples to lean on each other as a means of support. It empowers couples with the practical means to live out a joyous and happy marriage. We are in a culture where we need to look intently at the Sacrament of Marriage to see the fruits that a good marriage can bring. Understanding marriage also allows the couples to live in a committed relationship with God. The Covenant of Love has been successful in getting couples to come to the table and ask some of the hard questions about marriage. The sessions are tailored to provide not only the questions, but the answers to those questions. As couples come together in their marriages, they begin to see how their strong relationship enriches the life of the Church. The Covenant of Love Marriage Group provides a forum to talk about the value and dignity of marriage and to learn what God is calling married couples to be.
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